Kids need rules and boundaries. And they need to know when they break a rule, there will be a consequence. The message should be clear. A toe over the line is a toe over the line. NO surprises!
Kids push buttons. After all, they installed them. You get angry. Your fuse is short. You yell. How often have you lectured and tried to teach your child a "lesson' or "value" in the midst of a heated situation? Physiological changes happen and we enter a fight-or-flight mode. At this point, you are no longer a rational human.
1. Think ahead. You know when your child is ready to act up or act out. Stop him with your words before he has time to. Tell him you see he is mad. Thank him for not hitting, smashing, etc. Tell him he has self control.
2. Don't use wishy-washy language. Be explicit with rules. No hitting. No swearing. Ever listen to yourself when you want them to do something? I bet you say,"Ready to do your homework now? "Will you empty the dishwasher now?" "Wanna take out the trash?" Stop giving choices. Tell them "I need you to put your clothes away."
3. Be warm, but firm. Don't feed into their negativity. Modulate your voice and say "reset" or "time-out. " Nothing else. Re-direct your energy elsewhere until the behavior stops. Practice this and you will see transformations. Stop yelling. Kids won't hear your life lesson the midst of a crisis. Remember Charlie Brown's teacher? Blah blah blah.
4. As soon as they stop their behavior, acknowledge them and ask them to join you at the table, TV. couch, etc. Do not get negative!
5. Don't explain the reason for the limit more than once. They know the rules! Stop wasting your energy at this moment!
This classic Albert Einstein quote is one that epitomizes my quest to elevate parenting beyond the fear- and shame-based model: "If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed."
For more info: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-maclaughlin-lsw/how-to-set-limits-for-kids_b_4610102.html
No comments:
Post a Comment