Limit Setting and Not with a Credit Card!

Kids need rules and boundaries. And they need to know when they break a rule,  there will be a consequence. The message should be clear. A toe over the line is a toe over the line.  NO surprises! 

Kids push buttons. After all, they installed them. You get angry. Your fuse is short. You yell. How often have you lectured and tried to  teach your child a "lesson' or "value" in the midst of a heated situation? Physiological  changes happen and we enter a fight-or-flight mode. At this point, you are no longer a rational human.

1. Think ahead.  You know when your child is ready to act up or act out. Stop him with your words before he has time to. Tell him you see  he is mad. Thank him for not hitting, smashing, etc. Tell him he has self control. 

2. Don't use wishy-washy  language. Be explicit with rules. No hitting. No swearing. Ever listen to yourself when you want them to do something? I bet you say,"Ready to do your homework now? "Will you empty the dishwasher now?" "Wanna take out the trash?"  Stop giving choices. Tell them "I need you to put your clothes away." 

3. Be warm, but firm.  Don't feed into their negativity. Modulate your voice and say "reset"  or "time-out. " Nothing else.  Re-direct your energy elsewhere until the behavior stops. Practice this and you will see transformations. Stop yelling. Kids won't hear your life lesson the midst of a crisis. Remember Charlie Brown's teacher? Blah blah blah. 

4. As soon as they stop their behavior, acknowledge them and ask them to join you at the table,  TV. couch, etc. Do not get negative! 

5. Don't explain the reason for the limit more than once. They know the rules!  Stop wasting  your energy at this moment!

This classic Albert Einstein quote is one that epitomizes my quest to elevate parenting beyond the fear- and shame-based model: "If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed."

For more info: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-maclaughlin-lsw/how-to-set-limits-for-kids_b_4610102.html

Making Moves with Chess

What do you do when a bishop is coming after your king? You call your queen! 

Chess teaches patience,  critical thinking skills, and problem solving. Do you attack, defend or evade?You predict your opponents moves and strategize. How cool is that...

I learned chess in 7th grade in a summer program because the mentor, Andy, was sooo cute! It is similar to checkers only because it's played on the same board. The shapes, position on the board,  and names of pieces need a few hours to learn.  It reminds me of the Medieval Period with the names: knights, queen, king, bishop, and "castling." Quite a learning process.     As I gained knowledge of the pieces and  the moves, I developed my own game. I always attempted to use my "rooks" to "check mate"  my opponent's king. Andy quickly saw through my only ploy and I had to re-think my game. What did I learn: patience, planning and ,yes, critical thinking.  I will always  remember Andy fondly and, no, we never did date. I may have "checked" him but we never "mated."

Why should you or your child learn chess? Read these reasons to play from the Connecticut State Chess Association.

• Chess dramatically improves a child's ability to think rationally.
• Chess increases cognitive skills.
• Chess improves children's communication skills and aptitude in recognizing patterns, therefore:
• Chess results in higher grades, especially in English and Math studies.
• Chess builds a sense of team spirit while emphasizing the ability of the individual.
• Chess teaches the value of hard work, concentration and commitment.
• Chess instills in young players a sense of self-confidence and self-worth.
• Chess makes a child realize that he or she is responsible for his or her own actions and must accept their consequences.
• Chess teaches children to try their best to win, while accepting defeat with grace.
• Chess provides an intellectual, competitive forum through which children can assert hostility, i.e. "let off steam," in an acceptable way.
• Chess can become a child's most eagerly awaited school activity, dramatically improving attendance.
• Chess allows girls to compete with boys on a non-threatening, socially acceptable plane.
• Chess helps children make friends more easily because it provides an easy, safe forum for gathering and discussion.
• Chess allows students and teachers to view each other in a more sympathetic way.
• Chess, through competition, gives kids a palpable sign of their accomplishments.
• Chess provides children with a concrete, inexpensive and compelling way to rise above the deprivation and self-doubt which are so much a part of their lives.

http://ctchess.com/?sect=why

Beth's Book of the Month!

I'm doing things a little differently this month. Rather than choose a specific book or author, I want to highlight a list I saw posted online recently. Buzzfeed.com posted a list of "16 Books to Read Before They Hit Theaters This Year". As a bibliophile and a movie-nut, I instantly accepted the challenge. I usually try to focus on books that our students may enjoy, but this list is slanted towards more adult literature. 

I quickly read the first on the list,Joyce Maynard's Labor Day, which I truly enjoyed. Told from the perspective of 13 year old Henry as his family harbors an escaped prisoner, this novel makes you question "labels" that society likes to quickly attach to people and have a more heartwarming perspective on others. The movie will star Kate Winslet as Henry's Mom, and opens in just a few weeks. I'll definitely see it on opening weekend. 

I haven't started book #2 yet, but am looking forward to starting The Monuments Men by Robert Edsel and Brett Witter. I'm not usually drawn to historical or war novels, but this one looks intriguing. And with George Clooney and Matt Damon in the film, I'll be sure to check it out.

As for the rest of the list, there are a few I've already read. Divergent, the first in a trilogy by Veronica Roth, is exciting and action-packed with a strong female heroine. Clearly following in the Hunger Games' superior footsteps, it lacks a lot of the heart that makes The Hunger Games so powerful. Divergent was the best book in Roth's series (it went downhill from there) and I'm still looking forward to see how it adapts to the silver screen.

Also on the list, the immensely popular John Green novel, The Fault In Our Stars. This tragic love story between two teenagers battling cancer is not a mood-lifter, that's for sure. It's a deeply sad story, but it's innocence warms the soul. While not my favorite John Green novel, I will definitely recommend this novel to anyone. It's worth the hype it's receiving. I hope the movie lives up to the power of the novel.

I'm ashamed to publicly admit that I've never read Lois Lowry's classic The Giver. I am very excited to finally dive into this beloved book and see what the movie has to offer. 

To see the full list, check out http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariellecalderon/books-to-read-before-they-hit-theaters-this-year 

Which of these books have YOU read?!

Child's Dossier?

How's your child doing in school? Ask them and you get,"Fine." Don't stop there... Obtain a complete transcript of your child's academic record. Ask the school secretary or guidance counselor for a copy of your child's transcript. Have it mailed or go pick it up. Never send it home with your child.

Why and what it is? The transcript is a complete record of your child's "measured" academic achievement scores. The transcript is a chronological list by grade of your child's achievement test results for the basic skills including  reading, math and language. It also provides clues about weaknesses.

The standard scores on achievement tests determine the level of actual student achievement. These scores are converted to percentile rankings and grade equivalents (G.E.). The G.E. shows the school year and moth that the student has "mastered." By comparing these scores, you'll find clues that will allow you to discover reason for your child's performance.. For most parents, this is a positive experience and produces positive results. Go ahead, call and request it. It'll make your day!

Chores and Allowance

"I hate this." "Why do I always have to do everything?" "How come Chris doesn't have to do anything?"
I remember fighting with my mother because I HAD to  sweep the back stairs every Saturday. We HAD to wash the dishes (no dishwasher), dry them (the dumbest... they dry themselves!) and put them away... UGH!!

I am appalled some kids don't have chores. Why not? Parents often don't want to battle with them. It's often easier for Mom to do it herself. It will get done quicker and correctly if I do it myself. Kids need to relax. I hear lots of crazy excuses. And that is what they are... excuses to not parent.

I am not telling you to have your child wash the kitchen floor with a toothbrush. I am saying have your child sweep the kitchen floor, set or clear the table, gather all sneakers and shoes and put them in respective rooms. Chores are not punishment. 

I am saying chores instill values. Values like self-esteem, team work, sense of accomplishment. They are part of your child's growth and development. 

Should you give them an allowance? No. No  allowance. This is about responsibility.

Delegate chores today! Give praise when they are doing them. And when they have completed them. Notice them! And be consistent! Follow through so they realize it is their chore! You won't do it.

Which chore are age  appropriate? Read the webmd article for a list.

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/chores-for-children?page=2
http://childparenting.about.com/od/familyhome/a/chores.htm

More for me in 2014

Here we go. 2014 and am I excited. With age, comes wisdom (sometimes).
I am not making any resolutions. I am however focusing on one word to help me stay right and centered... I saw this on TV and thought it was a better way to help myself and not beat me up breaking any guilt-instilled resolutions. My word is better. Better choices, better relationships, better driving,  better me. How I get the "better" is my challenge. Whats yours?

I am relaxing on some  old, broken resolutions.

1. I will be leaving messages in my inbox.  I don't  have to always be on.. And I don't want to ... You can... but don't put your expectation on me.
2. I have gained 5 pounds since November....-- OK maybe 10. It's ok. I'll do something when I do.
3. I will eat rolos, yodels and anything else I fell like. I'm an adult!
4. I shan't panic if I leave my phone at home. I'll get it... I live there.
5. I don't sweep my kitchen floor everyday and I don't push a vacuum every week. It's ok if spend my time doing things I choose to like napping!
6. I can stay in bed in the morning and lull around.... I can even respond to emails form my bed. Who knows?
7. I don't like the gym, don't love spinning. Please stop asking me to go.....
8. I love meeting friends for lunch! I need to get away from my desk to laugh.
9.I enjoy my DD pumpkin spice once a day and if I want two cups, I'm going for it and live on the edge. 10. 10. Ill take some vacation time - even alone -  to do what I want. How luxurious is that? I enjoy my own company!!! What a gift.
11. Go slow in the morning and meditate while petting Shila. Nothing better than just being! Try it.

For more info....

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/02/how-to-stress-less-2014_n_4519363.html?ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul